I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
