And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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