I'm lost and stupid without you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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