This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
