Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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