kristin has been a bad kristin
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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