Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
