4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
