Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
