3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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