i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
