i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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