I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
