enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
