Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am naked and annoyed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
