So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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