I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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