why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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