it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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