My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
