You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
