Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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