Is it because I queefed?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
