Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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