Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
