sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
