why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
