Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
