the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They have beer where we have blood.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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