I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
