if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
