4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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