Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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