sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
