He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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