What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
