her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
