my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
