I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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