you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
