This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
