i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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