Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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