Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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