i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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