I think im going to throw up on grandma
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
