boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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