imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
