i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
