the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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