I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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