Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
