Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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