So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize