There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
