I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This house was built for laser tag.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
