I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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